it was like his penis was on wheels.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
