Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
