Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
