I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
