I want to stick my p in your. b.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
