You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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