i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The struggles of a small town man whore
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
