I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
