shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
