You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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