I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
