K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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