there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
