Can Purell be used as lube?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize