Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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