dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize
