Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
