I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Operation Purity has been aborted
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
