My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
