oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
