Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
