Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
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Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
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Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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