I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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