Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
