Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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