Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
