speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
