i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
