I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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