i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
