Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
