Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
