I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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