I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
