Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
