Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
