hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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