saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
