I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
