I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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