Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
