get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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