so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
operation have a gay friend backfired
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You have to summon your inner elephant
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
