I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
