Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
