I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
