Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
