i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
