why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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