In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
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she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
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Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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