Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
