ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
