i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
