she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
