i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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