those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
