I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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