Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
