pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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