you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
