Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
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Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
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Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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