I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
