doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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