Buhtt sex?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
