Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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