Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
accomplished twins. life is a go
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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