it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
