Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
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If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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