Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
