So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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