i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
