the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
