Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
