i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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