dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
