Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
