I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
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