Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
