Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
