No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
