I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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