Have you finally orgasmed yet?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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