Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
