i just google imaged poop.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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