My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
